A: Brenda, your question is actually not at all uncommon. Here are inquiries and ideas to help bring hope back:

• Is the way your parents are behaving and feeling a change from how you have experienced them in the past? If this is a change, then you (alone or with other family members) might ask them whether they're aware that their negativity is making it difficult to be around them. They might be clueless. So it could be worth a try.

• If this is a change, then you might see if you can have a doctor check them out for depression. The changes they are experiencing can be scary, and they could find relief. Frequently the "difficult to be around" part of your question can be easily addressed in one of these two ways: awareness & discussion or addressing depression. Indeed cranky folks, old or young, related to you or not, are hard to be around.

• If the other family members you mentioned are nearby consider getting them together to discuss how to support your parents. Using a team approach will bring in new ideas & spread the load. At the beginning it doesn't even matter whether or not anyone present can do any particular task. Just getting a list is what's needed.

• Other steps, such as how to prioritize this list; how to get & stay organized; and how to anticipate & sidestep predictable stumbling blocks, are covered thoroughly in our book.

• Lastly, and most importantly, do YOU have the support you need to help you reach out to your parents? Your friends, your colleagues, your faith community, your family - all can play a role in helping you be healthy and strong as you move into this role. You might not be able to make mom & dad happy or easy to be around, but if you can see the light at the end of the tunnel as the issue is addressed, you can meet the challenge with hope & courage.

Good luck, and keep asking questions.