Spending a day or two with my friends in New York has awed me. One partner is really, really ill, with the other combining a full-time working schedule (someone has to be bringing in an income) with figuring out 24-hour care for the spouse. How to do this without losing sanity and while preserving both personal health and a wonderful romance have been the challenges.

At this point, there is a cadre of about seven caregivers who come in and out of the apartment in any given day, with each welcomed in for both the care he or she provides and for the company that is enjoyed. For instance, one caregier comes five days a week for getting up & going to bed times, since transfers are very difficult. One handles feeding at meal times along with transcribing a book that's being written - since some disease process has removed the ability to use even hands. Another comes for baths and other hygiene needs ... and so on.

The caregivers, I found out, are selected for their caring personalities, for having the particular skills needed for the parts of the job they'll be doing, and for their sense of humor. Laughter reverberated throughout the apartment. Care is paid to giving each "attendant" enough hours to keep her or him involved, at a rate that is about double that currently paid by agencies. After all, my friends say, keeping friends around is part of maintaining their personal safety net. The bed-bound friend states emphatically that he's never had such a good and rich social life as now when he's dependant on these individuals to even wipe his nose or empty his urine bag. Did I mention that he's working on the second book in a trilogy?!

Again, I was awed. My friends have taken the image of a village and brought it to a small apartment in Poughkeepsie. Yesterday we had high tea, the parts of which we made and set out, with two of the caregivers. "Care packages" were packed up for two who couldn't be there, but, according to my friends, probably would enjoy some home made food. What evidence of abundance and gratitude in action!